the Republic of Heaven

Initiation

you can put up a good fight
you can do everything right
but sometimes…
you can hack through the thicket
you can lift all the curses
but sometimes the Dragon wins.

Pentecost

it was Spring when the robins came
making their nest at her window
building life while the soul inside
struggled to stay alight

“make room, make room”
we had no ritual

but i chose to believe
when this all started
i chose to believe in
Love what you leave is a heart on fire
a tongue and a wind and a dove

oh Priestess of Hospice
oh Holy Ativan
an you purify?
can you canonize?

soon it became quite clear
we couldn’t hold her here
nothing to do but watch
as the robins flocked

oh, where i’d go for your Holy Ghost!

i understand you now
the fire has burned me out
a Rosetta Stone for the pain: translating

“make room, make room”
we had no ritual

i chose to believe
when this all started
i chose to believe in Love
your legacy is a heart on fire
a tongue and a wind and a dove

“make room, make room
for the new rituals”

it was May when the robins strayed
slamming themselves at her window
making room for her soul to move
up and out
out of the house

Labyrinth

i awake en-mazed
floor is sky and dark is day
legs are buckling
the center holds a reckoning
so i make my way
hand to the wall as a guide
in this labyrinth
i keep turning in this labyrinth

going over, inch by inch,
every crevice that i missed
a tiny door i couldn’t find
someone else’s threaded line

and the needle is spinning

rubbings of forgotten facts
decisions that i can’t take back
but i try, i try
hashing out the Why

i keep turning in
i keep turning in
i keep turning into you

Simply Sleep

Strings are sliding through time and place
eleven levels and counting
if only my arms could reach that far
kiss the ground for me when you get there

but when we sleep we are deathless
so come to bed

if i could slide through to you
light-years or miles, temporal-wise
my toes would still be cold against your thigh
but you’d be mine
you’d be mine
you said you would go
even though you could not come home

i place my fingers just so
tracing your outline on pillows
the lines where you’d find your comfort
the shadows that your body throws
i’m tired of being the ground
for any stray lightning rolling through town

you may not see it, but i’m smiling
you may not hear it in my voice
you may not know i vanished long ago
such were the terms of my choice
‘cause i will make no bargains with gods or human dreams
i know too well the loopholes they’re brandishing

but when we sleep we’re not parted
so go to bed

we meet outside of time, outside of space to oscillate

Huntington

did you see the moon this morning rising with the sun?
could it be we’re coming to a time of inclusion?
i am waiting at the fountain
in the fields
the fields of Huntington

do you know
do you know
do you know i love you?
did i say
do i say
did i say it enough?
do you live
do you live
with that love inside you?
i do

it’s so simple to complicate a sensuous decision
to live this lovely flesh and have a laugh
do you feel the pang to all the years that we have lost
to cultivating gardens in the sand?
i bend to kiss your hand
and i kiss my own

do you know
do you know
do you know i love you?
have i shown
have i shown have i shown it to you?
do you turn
do you turn
do you turn it around?

i do all of the words
in all of the worlds
they aren’t enough

can you see can
you see her run?
will she know
she know who i was?
here’s roses and grovers for remembrance
here’s roses and grovers so she’ll know

On the Mend

all the coyotes in the hills of town
are coming down
running to my soul
trailing memory like breadcrumbs
the pack has come
and they will feast until they’re full

i’ve kept my hand in my wound
just to remember it’s real
here, i’m starting again, again
on the mend

now the howl becomes a song
that i can hum along
flooding through my soul
“why can’t you simplify your heart?
why can’t you simplify your heart?”

i put my hand to your wound
just to remember i’m real
here, i’m starting again, again
on the mend

this is my Mystery
my responsibility
and while i’ve lost my Lamb to the wild
Experience made me stronger
than i ever could have grown on my own
i put my hand to my heart
just to remember it’s real
here, i’m starting again, again
on the mend

no one gets my happiness
no one gets the keys
no one knows what’s hidden in the creaky stair but me
no one knows what’s hidden in the bed knob

Wraiths

I asked you not to haunt me,
And you took me seriously.
And now,
Oh, now!
Oh, how
I regret it.

A Lullaby For Myself

soon will come an end to all the rocking
if the moon would only stop the waves
surely you will come to tranquil waters, finally

meanwhile, just toss
just toss
like Wynken
toss

it won’t always be a tiny pinprick
that diamond in the sky
you had love and it’s enough
it’s enough

just toss
just toss
like Blynken
toss

you have got yourself and it’s enough
it’s enough
you will always have enough
always have

just toss
just toss
with Nod
toss

Not A Man Of God

i know that you told me to hold on.
i know what was promised,
and i know now we were wrong.
i cannot be yoked to anything so rotten from the inside,
just like you rotted from the inside.

it seemed the strongest branch of the tree,
so i placed my weight upon it and i trusted.
you said there would be strength there
for a hundred swinging girls,
so i swung and i hung
and the bough broke,
rotten from the inside.

you’re not a man of God, i know.

my mother stayed and rotted like the elm tree.
stayed because of fear, stayed because of threats.
thralled to hosts and sacred oaths,
she stayed and watched her belly fill,
watched her belly overflow with Death.

she said she still believed in the leaves,
so we walked along her limbs and we trusted.
she said there would be strength there
for her little swinging girls,
so we swung and we hung,
and the bough broke:
rotten from the inside.

you’re not a man of God, i know.

No, my love.
i am proof, my love.
this is rooted deeper than you know.
i am rooted deeper than you know.

you’re not a man of God, i know.

as for me, i’ll stay here on the ground,
watch you from a distance;
vigilant, but hidden.
i have got to cut this out of me manually.

Clouded

you can’t stay here where Artax sank
you are needed
proceed on foot
walk forward
with your crown of thorns
forward
walk
though it’s clouded, the future
forward
walk
because you said you would
they hold you up
they are your road
you walk on the back of souls you know
walk forward
into the Nothing
forward
walk
though it’s clouded, the future
forward
walk
because they’re waiting
because you said you would

Republic of Heaven

here, at the end of your road
i stand without a story of my own
i commit to the ground
your sceptre and your shroud
i am not their subject anymore

there are no Signs in the sky
no angel wings brushing by
what i have is what i see
the best in you to the best in me

there are no bushes burning
Fair Folk not returning
what we have is what we’ll be
the Love in you to the Love in me

and i’m left here to build my own republic of heaven

i will look for you in the twilight
every summer wind will bear your name
the robins who came and flew away again
i will honor you in everything

Mama, the war is over
the war is over in my heart
and i’ll stoop down
touch my head and my heart to the ground

we’re left here to build our own republic of heaven
we’re sent here to build our own republic of heaven
our own heaven

Closing Rite

The rite is ended.